Did you have to do the walk of shame back to the Store?
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that if you are a reader of our blog, that you are probably a man. It’s not rocket appliances that most hi performance information seekers are men. I’m also going to go out on another limb here and say most men probably fall in the same category as myself. WE HATE STANDING IN LINE & WE HATE RETURNING STUFF. Returning stuff is a pure violation of Man Law. Returning an item is like admitting we were wrong. Even if it’s a gift! It’s not about the money! It’s a pride thing. It’s like asking for directions. It’s like surrendering in battle. It’s just not done. Death ranks higher as a proper alternative. A chill goes up any man’s spine when his item comes with a gift receipt…. It’s like nails on a chalkboard when his wife cheerfully say’s “We can just return it! We needed some new towels for the bathroom. I can pick some out on the same trip! It will be fun!” It’s not fun. Its drudgery. It’s head down, package in hand. Its scuffing your feet every step into the store mumbling under your breath, the entire distance.
Once you’re in the store everything will go fine…
Well, Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Retail shopping is supposed to be like a military maneuver. It’s supposed to be preplanned. It’s supposed to be precise. Get in. Acquire the objective. Get out alive. Leave no man behind. Once you’re in, you see the bright lights and fancy displays! That’s not part of a good military maneuver! We need “the cover of darkness”. We need to not be recognized. We need to blend in with the locals. What? A sign? We wait under a sign? Oh no! There’s a cattle fence too! Cattle fences only lead to 3 things. 1.) Cattle run the chute to get placed in the stantion for doctorin…. 2.) Bulls get run through the cattle chute to the stantion for de nutting. 3.) Cattle get run through the cattle fence to get loaded onto the truck to head to the slaughterhouse. When we arrive at the end of our cattle chute, What do we encounter? A clerk that has had to already deal with dozens and dozens and dozens of men.. all who are pissed off and defensive about having to do the unmanly task of returning a gift and then running the cattle chute. Customer service really has to focus on just one thing. Smiling and retaining the customer for the store. Is that too much to ask? Well evidently lot’s of times it is. Evidently part of customer service training is not doing the math of “the lifetime value of a customer”
At least I’ll be leaving with cash!
Hold on there buster… Did you think you were getting a pocket full of money? Oh no you don’t. You’re getting a store credit. You’ll have plenty of time to look around and spend it, while your wife is walking down aisle after aisle after aisle, looking for just the right accessory for the bath towels that she hasn’t found yet.
At least I’ll be with my peers from the community!
Right! The people you want to spend time with! The ones you have the most in common with! The ones who you would be glad to watch the kid’s if you had an emergency trip out of town to make. Yep. Your homies. Your peeps. The ones you could rely on in a pinch! Right on. Good thinking! This returning stuff is a fantastic plan. We may as well get groceries on this trip too! This is an awesome place to spend the day.
Hey! Hold on here! We are men! We are solutions people!
What’s all this? We didn’t come here to just whine, poke fun at the less fortunate and pick on the shopping habits of our lovely wives! We have a series of solutions! 1.) Give the item to your wife and tell her to enjoy spending that money on something she would really enjoy, but didn’t get! 2.) Swap it out for home depot or lowes gift cards! Now the tool store is some place we can go a few hours and wander around in – in wide eyed amazement. 3.) Swap it out for restaurant gift cards! Now who doesn’t wanna eat?
We hope you had a fantastic Holiday with the people you care about, and have enjoyed our goofing off with this parody blog post. Have you had a crazy gift returning experience? Tell us in the comments below!